| wtf... |
[20 Aug 2007|07:41am] |
what a weird weekend...
saturday morning, i "trained" chris mckenney at work. a.k.a., he ran the register, and i sat on the stool until he felt like taking a cigarette break. it was terrible.
saturday afternoon, i went to day one of gartyfest. Matt Wixson and Cryptorchid Chipmunk were exactly as i expected. There were a lot of solo projects though. It was kind of depressing how it was a bunch of people from different bands just fucking around in 4 or 5 different solo projects. and the "Emotron" was seriously an embarassment to music in general. it was kind of inspiring. I want to get my solo project off the ground a little bit. Even if it's nothing big, i just want it to happen.
sunday morning, i registered for classes at UML. that sucked. schedule sucks. life sucks.
sunday afternoon, gartyfest day two. first four locals were all kind of sloppy, but still wicked fun. i bought like four t-shirts.
.........................
never in my life did i think i'd ever sport a ctska.com t-shirt. but over the course of the summer, it's really weird, i've come to gain a bunch of really good contacts, and maybe even friends, through that god-forsaken online forum. it's really weird now that i can go to a show in connecticut alone and know people there. i can't do that in western mass. there's not even shows here anymore. western mass had a scene, but it was way before my time. maybe this is what it used to be like. if this isn't the "scene unity" that people used to talk about, then i don't know what is. whatever this is, i'm happy i'm a part of it. and i, for one, know that i'm going to miss it while i'm at school.
in short, i still have no idea where i'm going with life.
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Comments: Freeze.
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| oh man |
[06 Jul 2007|09:42am] |
well three years, wasn't nearly enough
to do everything we could have done
and everything we should have done
we wasted precious minutes forgetting
this is fun. this is fun. this is fun.
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Comments: 1 Found Under The Ice | Freeze.
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| crazy ass dream |
[13 Jun 2007|09:58am] |
skalocaust (9:48:07 AM): i had a weird dream last night.
skalocaust (9:48:19 AM): we drove to a horse show.
skalocaust (9:48:32 AM): and willy wonka was running it.
skalocaust (9:48:45 AM): everyone had suites. but he put us in a wicked shitty room.
xox sheehan xox (9:48:46 AM): oh silly willy
skalocaust (9:48:59 AM): everyone kept dying.
skalocaust (9:49:09 AM): so i went outside and bounced on the sidewalk.
skalocaust (9:49:27 AM): and i killed willy, took his butterfly, and threw him in the pool.
skalocaust (9:49:42 AM): then i was there with dee.
skalocaust (9:49:47 AM): and our daughter had died.
skalocaust (9:49:49 AM): so we ran.
skalocaust (9:49:57 AM): because our car was with the horses.
skalocaust (9:50:08 AM): but then willy started chasing us.
skalocaust (9:50:21 AM): so dee hid behind a fence.
skalocaust (9:50:27 AM): and i went up a tree.
skalocaust (9:50:50 AM): i'm not sure if he got dee, but i used my magic powers to turn willy's butterfly into a million butterflies, and they attacked him.
skalocaust (9:50:53 AM): then i woke up.
xox sheehan xox (9:51:12 AM): wow that's pretty crazy
xox sheehan xox (9:51:18 AM): you really remembered that much?
skalocaust (9:51:25 AM): yeah lol
skalocaust (9:51:27 AM): it just happened.
skalocaust (9:52:07 AM): driving to the horse show sucked.
skalocaust (9:52:14 AM): because there wasn't enough room in the car for me.
skalocaust (9:52:25 AM): but i was the only one that knew how to get there.
skalocaust (9:52:31 AM): so i rode my bike
skalocaust (9:52:36 AM): in front of the car.
skalocaust (9:52:44 AM): on 91 through hartford.
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Comments: 1 Found Under The Ice | Freeze.
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| Big Sky Country |
[25 Apr 2007|09:49pm] |
Think. Think about the past. Think about the blast that we were gonna have together. We knew that we were both afraid, but I knew it would work one day, and then we’d swear that it would be forever.
No. That was just a lie. A big Montana sky. Is all that you ever wanted. I just didn’t make the cut, so what the fuck do I do now? And I wish I could say the same. Have someone else to blame. I wish I could play your twisted game. I hope that he breaks your heart somehow.
And I’ll say, Look who’s laughing now!
But what will it matter? Why oh why would you suddenly fucking care, about the way I cried, about the way I died, a little bit inside, a little bit each time that you weren’t there.
I’ve moved on. I swear it’s the last song that I’ll write about you. I’ll move on. I’ll move on.
Think. Think about the past. Think about the things we took for granted every day. But you just couldn’t live that way, you couldn’t suck it up and stay and just for once you couldn’t do things my way.
No. That was just a lie. A big Montana sky. Is all that you ever wanted. I just didn’t make the cut, so what the fuck do I do now? And I wish I could say the same. Have someone else to blame. I wish I could play your twisted game. I hope that he breaks your heart somehow.
And I’ll say, Look who’s laughing now!
But what will it matter? Why oh why would you suddenly fucking care, about the way I cried, about the way I died, a little bit inside, a little bit each time that you weren’t there.
I’ve moved on. I swear it’s the last song that I’ll write about you. I’ll move on. I’ll move on.
And all you wanted was the snow and the sky. I said that I’d rather be warm and dry. So stay on your side of the country, and I’ll stay on mine.
I’ve moved on. This is the last song that I’ll write about you. I move on. Without you...
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Comments: 1 Found Under The Ice | Freeze.
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| damn the man |
[01 Mar 2007|02:27pm] |
i'll never start a successful band. there are no dedicated musicians in the world. i'm not ranting about anybody in particular, just about everyone. it's never going to work. no matter what i do or how much effort i put into it, something will go wrong, and somebody won't care, and everything will hold me down. i'd drop everything to tour... to be in a band that didn't suck, that wasn't made fun of, that people... ya know... liked? there's nothing i want more. i'd sell my soul to satan, but how many times have i already done that. ugh.
my jazz history class really got me thinking. every single person we're learning about dropped out of school to pursue music. every single one of the greats had overbearing parents who "wanted more" for their child and were disappointed to no extent when they started doing something they liked. it just sounds too familiar. my parents should know that i'm not going to drop out of school. but they're supposed to be supportive even if i was. every time i tell someone i work at a gas station, they say "well, it's not a career, but...". Why does everyone keep saying that? Are they worried that my life might be... mediocre? You know what? whatever the fuck i do is going to be below them. Anything I do is going to be less than thou. I'm so sick of doing what everybody expects of me. Why can't I fucking be who i want to be? I'd work for the rest of my life to see my dreams come true. There's only one place school will get me...
Back to school.
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Comments: 2 Found Under The Ice | Freeze.
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| Fortune cookie say: |
[01 Jan 2007|02:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 miserable... |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Fear Everything |
] |
You will be completely unsatisfied in everything you do.
Lucky Numbers: 2007
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Comments: Freeze.
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| where do i go from here? |
[10 Dec 2006|11:31pm] |
I didn't get in to Westfield State...
what do I do? I had it all planned out. I finally figured out what I wanted to do. I planned on the positives, and prepared myself for the negatives. I was so ready.
WHAT THE FUCK?
My life will get better. I don't know how. I don't know when. It has to. That can't happen here.
Needless to say... I don't remember much of Friday night.
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Comments: 1 Found Under The Ice | Freeze.
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| go away |
[03 Dec 2006|12:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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fob |
] |
on tuesday, Nov 28th, i finally gave up on trying to mean anything to christine.
it still hurts.
now she thinks i'm ignoring her.
i've already said all i had to say.
what's the point in talking.
why doesn't she just leave me the fuck alone?
she never had a problem doing that before...
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Comments: Freeze.
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| fuckin... |
[02 Dec 2006|04:01pm] |
everyone gets homesick. but everyone needs the college experience. to get away from home. learn responsibility. meet new people.
yeah? I'm homesick.
I don't fucking care about the college experience.
I've been away from home. I'm rarely home to begin with... even when i lived there.
yeah. like I'm going to learn responsibility around a bunch of kids whose main goal in life is to smoke as much pot as they can every day until they go home. I will learn responsibility elsewhere thank you.
why do I need to meet new people? are my old friends not good enough?
i learned more in high school than i will ever learn in college.
i don't need to find myself... i'm right here.
working hard every day for minimum wage seems more attractive than what i'm doing.
i may be making the biggest mistake of my life, but...
i need fulfillment. and it's not here.
i know exactly what i need to do.
see you soon my loves.
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Comments: 2 Found Under The Ice | Freeze.
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| Bring it on. |
[28 Nov 2006|09:06pm] |
Come on loneliness. Give me everything you've got.
Who needs people when happiness comes in a bottle.
why does it have to come in such a pretty glass bottle?
why am i fighting it...
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Comments: 1 Found Under The Ice | Freeze.
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| help me. |
[28 Nov 2006|09:05pm] |
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everything has to happen in four-year intervals. school, band, scene, music, life. four years is too fucking long.
i hate music. i want it gone. it's the biggest waste in existence. people waste their lives crafting "good music" only for it to be stomped on by future generations for not being fucking cool enough. I hate liberal massachusetts. I'm sick of people complaining about the United States. I'm sick of people being prejudiced against other races, genders, and sexual orientations. I'm sick of eastern mass. I'm sick of new england. i'm sick of this fucking world.
Music is the same. no matter how you look at it. be it a bunch of fucking hillbillies singing about the cows, or some blingbling wutwut gangstas rapping about their bitches and hoes, it's all a bunch of bullshit wasting everyone's time. Time that could be better spent doing anything else.
Music is not enjoyable anymore. I can't change it. I can't change the world. I can't change music. It's too huge. And I can't do it myself. And nobody else cares. And I relive that part of my life. I won't be the only one that cares. I'll fucking save myself an eternity, and just give up.
I fucking give up.
I quit.
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Comments: 4 Found Under The Ice | Freeze.
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| torn |
[21 Nov 2006|04:46pm] |
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Lowell, Westfield, Lowell, Westfield, Lowell, Westfield...
A slave in heaven, or a star in hell...
I'm going to hate college no matter where I go.
I was so sick of high school. why did college have to be the same?
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Comments: Freeze.
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| ugh. |
[06 Nov 2006|10:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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slide |
] |
How fucking selfish of me to for once think of myself first.
I'm sorry you're so negatively affected by my misfortune.
Really, is there any way I can help?
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Comments: 1 Found Under The Ice | Freeze.
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| go home. |
[01 Nov 2006|01:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 dead |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Used - Noise and Kisses |
] |
I am too sick for life right now. this is the second time in two weeks. I can tell it's a different virus. this fucking sucks. I'm coming home tomorrow around 2. be home around 4. Halloween was good, went to salem and had chicken with cole. <3
I'm afraid to miss christine... but I do. I made her sick. :-\ So I'm going to her house tomorrow so we can go be sick together. <3
UML = Gay.
goodnight.
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Comments: Freeze.
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| :-\ |
[30 Oct 2006|09:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Thrice - For Miles |
] |
I missed feeling this way. And at the same time I didn't...
on a side note, I think I'm developing perfect pitch.
everyone says it's impossible, but I'm sure now that nothing is...
god, she's beautiful.
god, i'm tired.
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Comments: Freeze.
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| Revelation. |
[23 Oct 2006|01:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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wiped |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Avril Lavigne |
] |
I'm doing it. It struck me like lightning, but now it makes so much sense. I want to teach high school music. As strange and ironic as that may seem, it's what I was meant to do. I'm coming home, my loves. <3
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Comments: 3 Found Under The Ice | Freeze.
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| ugh |
[10 Sep 2006|02:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hesitant |
] |
| [ |
music |
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mcr |
] |
i am so bored to the point where i think i would pick up a phone call from anyone. and still i don't think i would pick up the phone to hear you bitch at me about what you don't have.
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Comments: 1 Found Under The Ice | Freeze.
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| college is gay |
[10 Sep 2006|11:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sirens, because "COPS" is filming in Lowell now. |
] |
This by far has been the most boring week of my life. Everyone goes home on the weekends, and there's like four people left in the dorm, including me... and my roommate... the retarded one. ugh. Classes are boring as fuck, Music Theory 1 and Aural Skills 1, I mean... come on. My music classes are the biggest joke in the world. My English class involves me reading a book a week, which obviously isn't happening. And Scotty T already taught me everything that we're "learning" in Calc 1. Band was amazing, we got the first two songs completely done at band camp... we have yet to make progress since. I have yet to see my parts for the last two songs, and we have a show in two weeks or so. Where my room is positioned in the dorm, whenever someone goes outside to have a smoke... the smoke comes right up into our window. I can smell the fucking cloves right now. I feel like I'm going to puke. My roommate's an idiot, and there's no shows here... ever... Why didn't I go to New Haven or Westfield State? Oh yeah, because I wanted to be in the most difficult, time consuming major on this campus, which is the most rigorous sound recording program in the country. I hate music...
I need a drink.
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Comments: 3 Found Under The Ice | Freeze.
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